Customs are interesting things. I was curious while I was in Israel as to why rocks were placed on the graves. This picture is overlooking Jerusalem from Mt. of Olives. The Garden of Gethsemane is directly below us.
- "According to Rabbi Tom Louchheim, the custom of putting rocks on gravestones may have originated as a way to participate in building the gravestone (since in ancient times graves were usually marked with a cairn rather than a headstone, as we do today).
Significance
- The usual explanation for this custom is that, unlike flowers, rocks are permanent, so they remain on the grave as a memento forever, and symbolize that you will never forget the deceased."
I looked this up on the internet. If you look closely, the graves to the right have a lot of stones. These people are remembered by many who loved them and were influenced by them.
I have found many new tombstones in my existence and need to place a rock on them so I can remember who I was. It is important to maintain our identity and not become known only as a caregiver. It is a loving occupation, but when that loved one is gone, who are we? Where do we fit? Too many caregivers become shadows because they have ceased to maintain that individual personality that God created.
My experience has taught me to remember, toss out the bad, reevaluate, move forward and into a new life. This isn't just in the caregiving mode, but also as we grow older.
One thing I want to leave with my children while I can, is that it is ok to be who they are. There will be times, if I have dementia or have to be placed in a facility for my safety, that I will try to make them feel bad. No, terrible! I will guilt trip them into taking me home. But, home may not be possible.
So, while I can, I want them to know that it is ok. Whatever God has planned for my life, I know we will travel it together and they will merely be accompanying me on the journey. Then, they can place a rock on my grave to remind them to be who they are.
I have found many new tombstones in my existence and need to place a rock on them so I can remember who I was. It is important to maintain our identity and not become known only as a caregiver. It is a loving occupation, but when that loved one is gone, who are we? Where do we fit? Too many caregivers become shadows because they have ceased to maintain that individual personality that God created.
My experience has taught me to remember, toss out the bad, reevaluate, move forward and into a new life. This isn't just in the caregiving mode, but also as we grow older.
One thing I want to leave with my children while I can, is that it is ok to be who they are. There will be times, if I have dementia or have to be placed in a facility for my safety, that I will try to make them feel bad. No, terrible! I will guilt trip them into taking me home. But, home may not be possible.
So, while I can, I want them to know that it is ok. Whatever God has planned for my life, I know we will travel it together and they will merely be accompanying me on the journey. Then, they can place a rock on my grave to remind them to be who they are.
Morbid? Thinking forward? A touch of both, but necessary dialog.
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