There were many days that I felt like I was the only one walking in the process of caregiving challenges. I would go to work and perform my duties by rote. I would read the Bible and forget what I was reading about three words down. I would constantly change the TV channels.
I felt alone and overwhelmed.
Those who loved me helped all they could, but there are some things only I could do and I had to work out how to be effective on my loved ones behalf.
Following their deaths, grief locked on to me and hung around for a long time. I couldn't stand to be in a crowd for any length of time. Driving was difficult and stressful. (I commuted to work, so I had to come up with a solution there).
One thing that has helped me in my journey of grief was to look around. I began to notice others who had that same blank, puzzled look that I felt. As I began to heal, I was able to empathize and share some of the experiences I had and the answers to those dilemmas.
I found out how much I needed that crowd, even in the middle of avoiding it. I forced myself to interact and forgave myself when I couldn't. I experienced a relationship with Christ that was only born out of despondency and sorrow.
He has been there. Trust Him and know you do not have to travel it alone.
Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried out sorrows.... Isaiah 53:3a
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