Coming and Going...

 

Galveston Island has been a place of healing and peace for me.  Several years ago, we spent a week there.  Misty took photos of the kids and this was one of my favorites.  It signified life to me.  I have found myself coming and going through good times and tough times.  I have walked up and down, working on the details and challenges of my life.

I am finding that whatever the situation, I have been asked to make choices that bring peace or chaos.  Life is a fifty-fifty toss up and how we catch, and handle, the fall out is very important.  Having a place to go that I enjoy gives me the edge I need to step back and relax.  It is in the relaxation mode that I make the best decisions.

Find that place.  It is important that you have balance as you walk back and forth!

 

 

Sunrise

 

Sunrise in Galveston...

 

This was taken from the deck of the summer rental, the Cat Cracker, on Galveston Island. Bermuda Beach is one of my favorite places, and watching the sun rise over the Gulf is one of my favorite pastimes.  When I am there, I can feel the tension ease out of my body.  I become relaxed and pliable.

 

Life is 50% sunsets and 50% sunrises.  You can count on it.  With every new day, things will change and what seems like a never ending season will come to an end.  As a caregiver, I have to do my best to define what helps me enjoy the sunrise and be prepared for the sunsets. 

 

Sunset can also be a time of wonder.  Sitting on the beach, watching the sun dip behind the horizon is a positive experience, too.  Joy and sorrow are often close companions, but if I am open to them, I can face whatever might come along and find that place of peace. 

 

God has given believers the Holy Spirit to help walk through the challenges of life.  If you aren't familiar with Him, look in the book of Acts and the letters Paul wrote to believers.  He is a companion who is constant and willing to meet with us in whatever position we find the sun.

 

 

I just feel a need to include a pelican.  Here is todays.

THE HOUSE WITH MANY DOORS

   
 

 

When I remember my mom, I remember her living in this house outside of Yellville, Arkansas.  Her grandfather Pearce built it.  They added rooms and with every room there was an outside door.

 

It is in the country and she would tell stories of the mountain lions talking to each other in the night.  The wild turkeys would travel across her front lawn and on into the woods that surrounded the house. 

 

It was quiet. Too quiet for some.  The silence was loud and with all the doors, feeling safe and locked in wasn't always easy!!

 

The time came when she had to move into my home in Houston.  It was the end of life as she knew it.  She had no car.  She had left her friends.  Her world became small and different.  I don't think she ever was able to make the transition and find a new challenge and purpose. 

 

I learned one important lesson from the time she came to live with me.  As her life was winding down, someday, mine would too.  I determined to do my best to keep a focus, a goal.  As long as I was able to remain independent, to any degree, I would.

 

If you are a caregiver, keep your focus.  If you can, help that loved one find some sense of worth in their life.  As long as an individual feels needed and important, their reason for remaining on earth will make sense.  Once that sense of being valuable is gone, so are they.

 

 



 

Heritage

 

I was looking through some pictures from the TREAT family reunion in 2010.  I stopped on this one because it reminded me of all the weekends my dad spent with his buddies "pickin and grinnin'" in our living room.  Salty Dog, TennesseWaltz, and so many other songs of the early 1900s were their specialty.  After two or three hours, they would stop for donuts and coffee, then play on into the night.

My Uncle Jack and grandson, Johnathan, are making music by the Buffalo River.  Johnathan is holding my mother's guitar that she played for many years.  When I see it, I immediately go back to the time she would sing along with dad's band.

What has this to do with caregiving?  For me, remembering my heritage and the strength of those who have lived before me, has given me resolve.  I can recall how they worked through the challenges of their lives and came through victorious.

I enjoy the chance to return to a time when I was not the responsible party!  Mom and Dad were the line drawn in the sand and I was taken care of.  Now, it has been my turn and I am the one who is being watched.  How am I responding in a crisis?

Found this oldie...

An Evening Prayer
recorded by Mel Tillis
written by Charles H. Gabriel and C.M. Battersby 

If I have wounded some poor soul today
If I have caused one foot to go astray
If I have walked in my own willful way
Dear Lord for-give

If I have uttered idle words in vain
If I have turned aside from want or pain
Lest I offend some other through the strain
Dear Lord for-give

If I have been perverse or hard or cold
If I have longed for shelter in Thy fold
When Thou hast given me some fort to hold
Dear Lord for-give

Forgive these sins I have confessed to Thee
Forgive the secret sins I do not see
Guide me love me and my keeper be
Dear Lord for-give

Committing to Serve

This picture is Johnathan's graduation from Boot Camp.



This picture is the day he signed up in the National Guard.  He turned 18 that day.

 

I am totally invested in our servicemen. He has chosen to become a part of the armed services and serve his country.  When we are leaving Houston as a hurricane approaches, Johnathan will be heading to someone who needs his help.  His unit will be called to take care of anyone in harms way, whatever the storm, or flood, or fire.

 

I will not forget those who serve to keep my life peaceful.  I will remember to pray for them, support them and be there when they need help.

 

(I still see him as a ten month old, reaching to open my refrigerator.  I recall his soccer, football and swimming endeavors.) If I remember, other Nana's and parents have the same visions of their young person, many of whom are serving in areas far from home.

 

Today, I REMEMBER.

 

 

Remembering

In 2005, David passed away.  I had been his caregiver during the last two years of his life.  During this time, He fought cancer and diabetes.  In February of 2005 the battle we, his family, fought with him, ended.  It took all of us to get through the hurt and pain of those intense days.

The picture was taken at his 60th birthday party.  I am not sure what he was telling Kamri, but she was intently listening.  This was a very good evening for our family.  He had friends and family who were there to celebrate his life. 

Memorial Day focuses on our military, and the lives who gave themselves for our freedom.  There are times I felt like I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress.  Looking at this picture triggers some of the challenges and emotions of those events.  When you say a prayer tomorrow for our soldiers, include those caregivers who fight for the lives of those they love.

I remember.

Sun,Sea,and Sails...

Sun....Sea...and Sails...

Today I had brunch with my three daughters and two of my grandchildren at The Sunflower Café in Galveston, Texas.  We were early enough that we missed the crowds and had a leisurely lunch.  I chose the spinach quiche with fruit plate.  ( I also indulged in a piece of coconut cream pie.)  I haven't had one of those in YEARS.  After lunch, we went to the Strand and then on to Murdoch's and sat on their porch for about thirty minutes.  I came home ready to nap and reflect on the day.

This was a mother's day present from Misty and Michael.  I was fortunate that Pam and Angie were able to meet us for lunch.  Then, Jay and Chasity met us on the Strand and we shopped for a few minutes.

When I look back, I can recall that our life together had some ups and downs.  It wasn't always peaceful and we didn't always like each other.  But the most mature decision, and the most profound, was the one I made when I decided we were a family.  For my part, I wasn't going anywhere.  We were in it together - sink or swim.

There were a few times I felt the water rising high!  But, God was faithful and the good times outweighed the tough ones.  I am tremendously blessed that our times truly were in His hands and He never left us to flounder.  (Psalm 31:15)

I loved today.  I enjoyed the scenery.  I am at peace!

HARD TO SWALLOW...

Some things are just hard to swallow.

Life changes.  It happens whether we are prepared or not.  It happens with or without our permission. It happens.

I spent some time today with a friend who has just been told she will no longer be able to live in her apartment and must stay at the long term care facility.  This is probably one of the most difficult decisions her family will ever make and for her to adjust to.  Being safe is the most important thing when one is facing health issues and no longer being independent is one of the greatest fears.

One of the most important lessons I learned from caregiving has been to prepare the best I could for the possibilities of dependence on others.  Because I am making decisions now, for myself, I believe it will lesson the difficulties for my children later on.  They will be placed in a position of parenting me and I know that will be a challenge.  I am pretty easy going, but I am stubborn.  God has had to prepare me so that I go into situations willingly, not being drug by someone else.

If you are having to make difficult choices for someone who was always the one in charge, take stock of where you are.  If they can help you find a livable answer, please include them.  If they cannot, do the best you can with the information you have.  Ask God to make up the difference and He will.
You don't have to face these choices by yourself.  He cares and He will give you the guidance you need.

Once you have an answer, put it in motion.  Take a deep breath and know you have done your best to help your loved one swallow that horse pill.

Co-Pilot....

Do you have a friend?

Is there someone you can express your innermost feelings to?

Who has your back?

Becoming healthy means having the ability to share what we are feeling.  Our heart needs exercise, but not by rising blood pressure!  What is your outlet when things are most difficult?

Social media is a way that people put it out there anonymously (so to speak).  Speaking thoughts to a computer is a lot easier than having a face to face conversation.  Not seeing the response of an individual avoids any reaction to  our words.

Am I talking in circles?  Probably.  But, what I am going for is the importance of having someone in your corner who is tangible.  God's hand extended.  Flesh and blood.

When Christ left this earth, He had trained 12 men to carry out His mission.  He provided the Holy Spirit to empower His believers. 

Touch someone today.  Maybe you are in need of someone touching you.  Seek out that person.  If you know of someone who needs a touch, go to them. Connect with them.

Remember,  as a Christian, you have access to the very Creator.  Go to Him.

Getting a Grip on Fear,Frustration, Fatigue, Anger...

Do you have a grip on your caregiving situation? Are you dealing with anger?  Frustration?  Fear? Fatigue?

One of the stress management tools from the Powerful Tools for Caregivers is a breathing exercise.  (page 32, The Caregiver Helpbook).

Breathing for Relaxation:
1.  Close your eyes (or quietly become aware of your breathing.)
2.  Inhale to the count of seven, slowly and deeply.  Exhale to the count of seven, slowly and deeply.  Exhaling is "letting go."
3.  Repeat without forcing your breathing in any way.  If your mind becomes distracted, refocus on your breathing.
4.  Continue for one to two minutes or longer if you want.

Too many caregivers lose their health when it is most important that they stay healthy.  Dealing with and identifying stress is one of the tools you need.  Being able to relax will clear your mind and calm your soul!

Why rocks?

• 

Customs are interesting things.  I was curious while I was in Israel as to why rocks were placed on the graves.  This picture is overlooking Jerusalem from Mt. of Olives.  The Garden of Gethsemane is directly below us.

• "According to Rabbi Tom Louchheim, the custom of putting rocks on gravestones may have originated as a way to participate in building the gravestone (since in ancient times graves were usually marked with a cairn rather than a headstone, as we do today).

Significance

• The usual explanation for this custom is that, unlike flowers, rocks are permanent, so they remain on the grave as a memento forever, and symbolize that you will never forget the deceased."

I looked this up on the internet.  If you look closely, the graves to the right have a lot of stones.  These people are remembered by many who loved them and were influenced by them.

I have found many new tombstones in my existence and need to place a rock on them so I can remember who I was.  It is important to maintain our identity and not become known only as a caregiver.  It is a loving occupation, but when that loved one is gone, who are we?  Where do we fit?  Too many caregivers become shadows because they have ceased to maintain that individual personality that God created.

My experience has taught me to remember, toss out the bad, reevaluate, move forward and into a new life.  This isn't just in the caregiving mode, but also as we grow older. 

One thing I want to leave with my children while I can, is that it is ok to be who they are.  There will be times, if I have dementia or have to be placed in a facility for my safety, that I will try to make them feel bad.  No, terrible!  I will guilt trip them into taking me home.  But, home may not be possible.

So, while I can, I want them to know that it is ok.  Whatever God has planned for my life, I know we will travel it together and they will merely be accompanying me on the journey.  Then, they can place a rock on my grave to remind them to be who they are.

 Morbid?  Thinking forward?  A touch of both, but necessary dialog.

TRAPPED...

Do you feel trapped?

Are you fighting a battle that you just don't think you can win?

Do you want to put your head in the pillow and sleep and sleep and sleep?

But, you have no choice.  Things have to be done and you are the one who is selected to make sure they happen.  You want help, but aren't sure how to accept it.  You have had a bad experience with aides and it is easier to "do it myself".

Managing stress.  How?

The "Powerful Tools for Caregivers" class teaches several steps in the process.
1.  Recognize your warning signs of stress
2.  Identify your source of caregiving stress
3.  Identify what you can and cannot change
4.  Take action to manage your stress

Legacy Caregiver Services from Portland, OR has developed a six-week class to provide caregivers with help in their journey.  Google them.  Look for classes in your area.  The class is free to you and will give you a way out of that trapped feeling.

Perspective...

 

 

 

Following the death of my husband, I was given the opportunity to travel to California for a week.  I visited the Pacific ocean and had the privilege of exploring  the Coronado Hotel off San Diego.

This is the view overlooking the swimming pool area and the beach beyond. After leaving the balcony, I found it very interesting to note how things grew larger as I drew nearer to them.

 

Caregiving can be like that.  The only way to get a handle on it is to step back.  Praying can take us up higher to reassess our situation and get a picture from a different angle.  Discussing options with a friend can bring clarity to our minds and peace to our hearts. Ideas on which step to take next will flow and we can become educated to what is available.

 

So many times, we get bogged down and can only see what is directly in front of us and so many times it looks hopeless.

 

Stand on this balcony for a few minutes and ask God to guide you as you seek the best plan for that very dear person you are caring for!

 

 



WHO IS IN THE LEAD?...

Do you know who is leading you?  In the middle of your difficult circumstances, do you have a sense of direction and confidence that who you are following is capable of directing you to a safe landing?

Sometimes, you just have to trust.  I had to draw on my history of faith and remember the times God took me through different challenges and failures and successes.

I remember a wonderful lady who had a radar when it came to struggles in my life.  She would stop me in the hall at college, look me in the eye and pray.  It didn't matter to her who was around, it mattered to her that we took care of the situation.  Elizabeth Williams was her name.  One of her favorite passages in the Bible was Proverbs 3:5-6.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not unto thy own understanding and He shall direct your paths."  (Punctuation might not be perfect, that was from memory).  I've never forgotten it. 

TRUST has been the key.  Trusting that WHO I put my faith in would take me to the other side of sorrow has given me peace and rest.  I can relax, the Lord is in control.  I can follow.

Alone in the crowd...

There were many days that I felt like I was the only one walking in the process of caregiving challenges.  I would go to work and perform my duties by rote.  I would read the Bible and forget what I was reading about three words down.  I would constantly change the TV channels. 

I felt alone and overwhelmed. 

Those who loved me helped all they could, but there are some things only I could do and I had to work out how to be effective on my loved ones behalf.

Following their deaths, grief locked on to me and hung around for a long time.  I couldn't stand to be in a crowd for any length of time.  Driving was difficult and stressful.  (I commuted to work, so I had to come up with a solution there).

One thing that has helped me in my journey of grief was to look around.  I began to notice others who had that same blank, puzzled look that I felt.  As I began to heal, I was able to empathize and share some of the experiences I had and the answers to those dilemmas.

I found out how much I needed that crowd, even in the middle of avoiding it.  I forced myself to interact and forgave myself when I couldn't.  I experienced a relationship with Christ that was only born out of despondency and sorrow. 

He has been there.  Trust Him and know you do not have to travel it alone. 

Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried out sorrows....  Isaiah 53:3a

Rocks vs Sand

This is a picture of a river in Arkansas, not too far from my cousin's house.  Her house is a B&B called "Grandma's House". When we go to the Treat family reunion, we often stay at this beautiful home.  It belonged to my Aunt and when she died, her family made it into a retreat.  The road winds down to the river and (as you can see) there is a bed of rock.  The rock goes into the river, too, and it is wise to wear shoes.

At the lake, there is a sandy bottom.  The water is usually dark with fish, turtle and other animals swimming beneath the surface.  The catfish and flounder are abundant as the keepers of the lake want it to be a tourist attraction and stock it yearly.

The beach, where I live, is pretty smooth and relatively easy to navigate.  Your chair may sink into the sand and the shells may be sharp, so shoes are advisable here, too.

The entrance to the river, the lake or the beach has obstacles we must be aware of.  Protective shoes will eliminate cuts and bruises from the trip into the water.  Looking at the pictures we see a beautiful place to relax and rest.  Getting to that place isn't always easy.  In my caregiving experience, I saw a goal and started toward it.  There were times the sand was hot, the rocks cut into my tender feet and some of the fish nibbled my ankles.

The more I researched and maneuvered the paths to the goal, the smarter I became and eventually was able to avoid many of the hurts.  There is so much information available today that wasn't there during my caregiver period.  But, the memory of being anxious and scared has made a very deep groove in my resolve to do what I can to make sure you have the information you need to help yourself and your loved one.

The desired objective is before you.  Check out the path, get the shoes you need, and head out!

Unwinding in a Peaceful Place...

Today I am going to my second favorite place.  My friend lives on Lake Houston and this is her view.  Every evening the sun goes down and every morning it rises above this peaceful setting. 

Unwinding is the word I use when I describe the affect the waves and water have had on my stress.  That great lump that filled my chest began to loosen with the waves hitting the shore.  The wave came in, then went back out.  With each one, my heart beat a little slower, more regular and my mind was able to think and work out the solution to the immediate issue.

Find your peaceful place.  When life is difficult, close your eyes and escape to that locale that gives you the ability to evaluate and assess.  God handed me a key to a house on a canal in Galveston.  I went across the road, sat on the beach and began to heal.  The couple who provided that time will never know the healing that it provided.

When I couldn't reach the beach, the lake provided the same effect and I was able to hear God's voice and find the path through the mire of red tape, nursing homes, hospitals and watching the ones I loved maneuvering their own path through their circumstances.

Have a wonderful day.  Remember, "...these three remain:  faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."  I Corinthians 13:13

Foreign Objects

 

 

 

This pelican has picked up something he will not be able to swallow.  If he does, he will have a difficult time digesting it. He does seem to be balancing it ok, though.

 

Caregiving can be similar.  We dive into the immediate need and up comes something we cannot digest.  Seeking the answer is a balancing act and our very insides stretch and gurgle and often we spit it out.  If we do come to a decision, second guessing keeps us tossing and turning in the night.

 

I am extremely grateful for my family and friends.  During the time I was a caregiver, I had support that gave me the ability to keep taking the steps I needed to take for my loved ones.  I had the memory of every time God worked a miracle in my life and kept a tight hold of those Scriptures He used to give me the peace and balance required.

 

Today, take stock of where you are and what you need.  Scripture says to seek and you shall find.

 

The pelican needs to spit out the bottle and dive again. 

 

 

 



Tempest Tossed

I was at Galveston on Thursday and took this picture of the Pelicans balancing themselves on the waves that were crashing against the rocks.  The weather was overcast and cool. The winds were high and my hairspray was no match for them.

Maybe you feel like that pelican being tossed and pitched around by the high water.  How does one keep a balance when life is uncertain and complicated?  How do you find the energy to pull up out of the surf and rise above the stormy sea?

There are many avenues one can take when life is out of balance.  Just watch Jerry Springer or Dr. Phil or Oprah or any talk show from 9 am to 5 pm each day.  Pull up any number of sights on the internet.  Grab a bottle of pills or any other substance.  (I found that coca cola was even addictive and not good for my overall health.  It was totally a lifestyle change when water became my beverage of choice).

Utube is a wonderful escape for me.  I can pull up Ricky Nelson (who I loved) and the Gospel voices that I was brought up on.  I found an audio of my mom singing when she was a young woman on a radio show.  I can listen to the Gaithers, Amy Grant, LoveSong, Michael W. Smith...all of the voices that influenced me from my young years until now. 

When I couldn't concentrate on reading, I found a Bible app that had audio.  It will read to me and I can hear again the Scriptures that were meaningful and helped me find the balance I needed to make sense of the storms that kept coming when I was a caregiver.

Life is precarious, but such an adventure.  I can say that I am much better prepared for a hurricane or tornado that might hit my family.  I can also say that I have found the safety of my faith and the memories of God's defining protection for me and the ones I cared for.  I am better able to bob in the waves because I know the storm will pass and the water will calm down.  Like this pelican did, I will return to the sky!

Jer. 29:11

If I've told you once....

It is Mother's Day.  My mom lived with me the last few years of her life.  She had a stroke and lived for six months in a nursing home before she passed away.  She was independent and strong willed with a beautiful singing voice and wonderful sense of humor.  She was strict in some ways and very nurturing.  I always felt safe when I was with her. 

It was very challenging when I had to take on the roll of mothering her.  There were so many things I missed in her health care, because when I asked her if she took her medicine, she said yes.  I had no reason to doubt her words because she was Mom and she was in control.  As her health faded, I had to learn many things and begin to ask questions for her safety.

Her life changed drastically when she moved to Texas and left everyone she knew in Arkansas. Her singing talent was evident and she would do mini concerts all around her home town. She never quite recovered from losing her car and becoming dependent on someone else for her needs.  I wasn't always understanding and fought a lot of guilt after her death that I hadn't been more aware.

If you are caring for someone and you feel like you are drowning, take a deep breath and remember that nothing lasts forever.  This time is a season and when you look back, have good memories.  Begin by taking care of yourself and find what you need to become closer to that person who you love.  Enjoy something together. 

I miss those Saturday trips with  mom to her doctor, then to Arby's and Wal Mart.  She would get in a cart and when I missed  her, I could find her on the candy aisle.  Her biggest love was Cheetos and Tootsie Rolls.  They were equal in her affections.

Happy Mother's Day!

Respite

 

 

 



 



I love this picture.  It is sunset in the Gulf and the pelicans are resting from their busy day of flight and diving for nourishment. 

There are times in our lives that rest and relaxation seem like a thing of the past.   The responsibilities are so great and the only thing we see is another tomorrow with the same schedule.  When asked what we would do to enjoy ourselves, we have no idea.  It has been so long since we just did something spontaneously, that the idea is foreign.

If you had 24 hours to waste, no schedule, no agenda - what would you do?

Sleep?  Watch a movie?  Have lunch with a friend?  Run away?

Take 30 minutes and mull this over.  Reintroduce yourself to things that make you happy.  You are not being disloyal to your loved one.  You are caring for yourself, too.  You have to stay healthy to take the best care you can of that special person. 

Thriving in caregiving is the goal we want to achieve.  Quality of life is important and resting, enjoying, and loving while serving is the goal.

UNEXPECTED HELP

 
 



Take the help where you can find it!!!




(I think the most fun, so far for me in blogging, is locating pictures of pelicans and attaching them to my thoughts!)

So many caregivers are locked in the belief that they are alone and there is no one who can help them.  Unfortunately, those who can help are not always aware of the need, or afraid to interfere, and in some cases, just ignoring the obvious. 

The caregiver must evaluate exactly what they can do.  Once it is understood, they can then begin to reach out for the aid that will give them a life of success instead of just existing.  This will benefit  themselves and those they are caring for.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK!!  Those who love you both want to help.  They just don't know how or what is needed. 

Do you need some errands run?  Ask.  You know specifics and there is someone who will be glad to go to the store, the cleaners.

Do you need a thirty minute break?  Ask.  Those who love you will take part in your respite need.

Do you need the relatives to step up?  Make a list.  Ask.  Start asking certain people to perform certain tasks.

Is this difficult?  YES.  If you can't do it, turn to someone who is close to you and ask their help in spreading the responsibilities so that you can remain healthy and able to care for that special person in your life.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this.  There is family, friends, your church group, your neighbors.  God will give you a plan to thrive.  I know He will, He did it for me.
 

Rise Again...

As I was drawing on my eyebrows this morning, I was listening to RISE AGAIN by Dallas Holms!  Easter was just a few weeks ago and because of this event, I have the hope of Heaven and being united with those loved ones who have already gone.

Do you remember this song?  Look it up on Utube and enjoy this promise...


RISE AGAIN

Go ahead, drive the nails in my hands
Laugh at me where you stand
Go ahead, and say it isn't me
The day will come, when you will see!

(CHORUS):
'Cause I'll rise again
Ain't no power on earth can tie me down
Yes, I'll rise again
Death can't keep me in the ground!

Go ahead, and mock my name
My love for you is still the same
Go ahead, and bury me
But very soon I will be free!

(CHORUS):
'Cause I'll rise again
Ain't no power on earth can tie me down
Yes, I'll rise again
Death can't keep me in the ground! 

Go ahead, and say I'm dead and gone
But you will see that you were wrong
Go ahead, try to hide the Son
But all will see that I'm the One!

(CHORUS II):
'Cause I'll Come again
Ain't no power on earth can keep me back
Yes, I'll come again
Come to take my people back

I'm so tired...

Have you been paralyzed by fatigue?  Are you the lone extension of your loved one and overwhelmed by the responsibility?  Are you too exhausted to even look for help?

I found a program entitled "Powerful Tools for Caregivers" (caregiver@ths.com.  It is a free 6 week course that focuses on YOU taking care of yourself.  The difficulty was finding the time to attend the 3 hour meeting even once a week. 

One of the things that ministered to me was the Action Plan provided by them to encourage me to take time for myself.  It didn't have to be more than 5 minutes.  The plan would give me some time just for me, to help me focus and be able to be the caregiver I needed to be.

Here is an idea of the plan:
What am I going to do?
How much am I going to do?
When am I going to do it? - time of day, etc.
How often am I going to do it?

I had to write it down and then give an idea of the confidence I had that I would actually accomplish my action plan.

At the time I was involved in the class, I was working and was able to do the plan  five days a week.  I said that I would walk in the warehouse for 20 minutes each day during my lunch hour.  You would be surprised at how I enjoyed that exercise, as limited as it was.  It was what I did for me. 

I chose reading for one week.  Some people chose bubble baths.  Some listened to music.  The goal is to relax and reconnect with something that is truly enjoyable just to you.

Take a few minutes and try it.  As you accomplish something, stretch yourself  with longer tine periods.  Allow healing to give you and your loved one a breathe of fresh air!!

Safe Landing

When I am flying, I don't seem to notice the actual flight too much.  I debate on what to drink, where do I sit so that I can have access to the aisle when I need to vacate my seat, and will I be able to catch a nap?  I may be happy, or not so happy, depending on who is sitting beside me, behind me, and in front of me!

I went to Israel and the flight was very long.  The jet lag was awful, but the prize was all of the wonderful places I saw and the people I met.   It was so interesting to see how well Israel and the Arabs had worked out their living situation.  They had a system that met the needs of the people and allowed so many of us to visit those places that mean so much to our faith.

It isn't the flying that is the issue for me.  It is the landing.  We take off really well.  I chomp my gum to keep my ears from popping.  The issues come when the landing gears go down and I wait with great expectation to feel the wheels bump the ground and then settle into a roll to the gate.

I think dying must be a little like that.  The anticipation mounts, then it is done and we leave this body.  A special lady had a safe landing today.  She has fought cancer for several years and today she landed safely in Heaven.

You may not believe Heaven exists.  We do. 

Her family has had a rough goodbye, but they have the promise of seeing her again.  We envision her wrapped in the arms of her family and friends who have entered that place of peace and rest and a future.  She was a wife and mother here.  We can only guess what God has for her there.  I believe He will give her time to adjust to her new surroundings and then open up the vision of her place in eternity.  She will probably jump right into her new job, but I bet she has one eye on the gate of Heaven, just waiting for those she loves to enter.

When I read the Bible, I get a picture of what is in store for us.   Laura knows, because she has seen it.  I can only imagine.

Peace

 



Murdochs in Galveston.  It is located on the Sea wall across from the Galvez Hotel and down the street from the new pier.  You can see the ferris wheel to the left.  When life is hard, I can always sit in one of the chairs, put my head back and chill.  There is always a breeze and the sound of the water hitting the shore beneath the porch is soothing.

I found that in the time of my most difficult decisions, I could go there and find the balance I needed to make the right choices. 

Find your place and allow God to fill you with whatever you need to become whole. 

OPINION OVERLOAD!!

SO MANY OPINIONS!!  Today, everyone has an opinion and has a way of voicing it!

Who do you listen to when you are in the middle of a crisis? Do you know where to go when you need education on your mother's Medicare options or your dad's insurance policy?  How do you find out the best facility for your family member's present needs?

How do you find peace and confidence that you are making the decisions you need for them when you are exhausted and your brain begins to gel with opinion overload?

There are many choices when you Google caregiver help.  Or, elderly programs.  When I was looking for a way to make sure I was in the right place, I found Caregiver.com.  They have links to just about any question you might have.  You can also contact different long term care facilities that will give you numbers to aging agencies and the help they provide.

Take one voice at a time and check them out.  See what they offer and where they lead.

I fought my way through discouragement, depression and chaos with the help of family and friends.  I learned to step back and, as I prayed, God brought what I needed when I needed it.

When the voices get too loud - turn down the volume!!

LOVE WHO?

Galatians 5:13-15

The Message (MSG)

^13-15 It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then?

I was reading these verses this morning and the part about loving others as you love yourself whipped off the page and grabbed my brain.  As I have gotten older, my ideas of who I am and my talents have tended to be redefined.  I don't look the same.  I don't have the same opportunities.  I wrestle with aches, pains and challenges that are new and often discouraging.

Do I love myself?  Am I treating others with the same measuring rod I am applying to me and we are all coming up in the red?

When caregiving, it is difficult to think about yourself, let alone anyone outside your situation. So, liking oneself is hard, let alone loving oneself.  I spent many days avoiding the mirror and many days avoiding those around me.  Difficulty, aging, stress kept me in a prison.

I talked about friendship yesterday.  God helped me connect with people who gave me an opportunity to go beyond myself and begin to like myself.  Their input brought about a healing to love my life and the small pleasures of sitting in the sun outside my door, walking along the lake, eating too much sugar from a piece of cake baked by a friend who loved me as she loved herself.

I am finding a new appreciation for the WORDS God gave us in the Bible.  The topic of conversation with friends often turns to Heaven and what it will be like.  We long for that perfect place, but also discuss the road we are on and how God is helping us mature and share with others.  As we accept our lives, we can truly love others with the same hope.

Lot to say today!  But I am tired of being emotionally locked up and unable to recognize the gifts that God has placed within my reach!